Remy

 My name is Remy; welcome to my blog! I thought it might be helpful to have a brief introduction here for new people. If there's anything I forgot to cover, let me know in the comments.

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 I had to miss my individual therapy session again today. I really didn't want to, but I'm having a pain flare that's so bad I could barely get out of bed. I was pacing the apartment, trying to prove to myself (and Z) that I could walk the 3 miles. I was like, I did it! He was like, yeah...you're walking like someone who threw out both their knees and back.

So I called my therapist. She reassured me it was okay to miss, and not to worry about her over it. We talked it over and decided to cut back my sessions to once a week, temporarily. I've had to miss about 25-40% of my appointments with her since I started group therapy just because of sheer exhaustion. So now I'll see her once a week until the group's over in four weeks, then it's back to normal. 

I don't think I want to do more group therapy this year. The Trauma one I'm in now is EXTREMELY helpful, information wise. But after the shitstorm in September, I'm having a harder time talking to people. (I'll probably refer to September a lot in this journal. Late August/Early September is when my repressed memories of being raped started to surface, but that's still insanely hard for me to even type, so September is the shorthand). 

So instead of appointment today, I tried my hand at tooling leather. When I started leathercraft almost 7 years ago, it was hella expensive. But now you can get a basic tooling set for like, $15 on eBay. I've never actually tooled leather before, which surprised Z since even he did it as a kid. 

It was AWESOME. Once I watched a couple of Youtube videos. (Such a Youtube fan these days). I'm shitty at it, which is great. I thought it was going to be too overwhelming for me since it's pretty much constant hammering. I love hammering things. I don't love the sound. But since I'm using a closer-to-right hammer, it's a lot quieter. I just ordered a proper maul today. And some jewelers rouge to sharpen the swivel knife I didn't know I needed to sharpen.

It's like I'm actually researching, learning, and following instructions now instead of just winging it constantly. And I have to say, it's nice and a real time saver. 

After I played around with that, I wrapped up a journal order, then laid on the couch for two hours. Which felt really nice. I didn't actually nap, but my brain was processing project and art ideas.

After Arisia last weekend, I'm switching gears. Which is really hard, since I had just switched gears the month before. Seeing someone buy my visual art for the first time in my life (I realized later) felt completely different than the other things I've been selling. It made me realize that's the feeling I want. So I'm going to try to focus more on things I can actually pour myself into, and pare back on the rest.

So...going to be selling off most of my jewelry supplies this year. 

I feel like I need to simplify my life and it's tough. I haven't had a lot of conversations with my mum or sister lately, but my mum did call me the other day. She talked briefly of the family drama going on now post-grandmother's-death. And instantly my chest seized up and I couldn't breathe. 

Yeah. No good, when I'm trying to learn to keep my stress levels down.

And I'm so unused to typing that my hand is cramping up. Oops. I'll end this here.